An Ideal for Modern Life.

An Ideal for Modern Life

Josh Coombridge

 

Scene: Roberts’s living room.

Robert has beer spilled down his shirt and is hung-over after drinking away the stresses of the night before. Arthur is dressed in jeans and shirt, he has a job interview later that day. He is evidently distressed at Robert’s situation, though is enjoying helping his greatest friend.

Arthur: She is your wife I suppose... (pacing). Yes I definitely think you should have told her. You can keep secrets from other people, but your wife.... Firstly (clears throat), your wife is a woman- and women, wonderful as they are, have a curious knack for eventually finding these things out. I don’t think it is wise for you, for anyone, to keep secrets from a wife.

Robert: Arthur, I could not have told my wife she would have died. When could I have told her? During our holiday to Montreal? When we bought the house by the sea? Or just before her excursion to Topshop last week? She is a wonderful, beautiful, splendid best friend, but her freeness with money will be the death of me.

Arthur: She is really that great?

Robert: Yes. Her generosity and free-spiritedness is her only flaw. She is the greatest friend Arthur, The greatest friend. She thinks she is spending money on things that make me happy.

Arthur: She is fool with finance Robert and you are passing it off as being a good thing! This is why you have debt!

Robert: But one of the reasons we married was because we both didn’t want to worry about these things, and we just wanted to do things that made us happy!

 Arthur: Yes, but now that your source of income is at risk your “free-spiritedness” as you call it is becoming your downfall. You have to see the irony in that! The thing which made you so freeing is literally become a crippling, depressing, heartbreaking burden for you. The days of living for pleasure are over for both of you I’m afraid Robert. Pleasure seeking doesn’t stand up when it comes into public scrutiny. You’re a member of parliament. You need to tackle this issue from a moral high ground!

Robert: If you are suggesting talking to my wife about this I think that is quite out of the question. It is, as I say, what we based our relationship on. It was the one condition! I would surely lose her.

Arthur: Would it be all right for me to talk with her?

Robert: Yes, but I doubt it would change anything.

Arthur: Mmm. We could experiment with this. It is a possible solution. I at least look a slight bit better than you. You should have told ages ago you idiot.

Robert: When, during our dating years? When we were engaged? She would never have stayed with me. She has relentlessly talked to me about how my generosity and free-spiritedness is the making of me! Constantly she asks for money to give to this charity or that friend or to go out with me or buy her and me a trip away because we are too stressed! It’s so damn nice! Have I really dug myself a hole so deep that I cannot escape it?

Arthur: Your pleasure seeking is making you a less genuine person. It’s shameful, the situation you have gotten yourself into.

Robert: I wanted her to be happy, I was trying to protect her that is all!

Arthur: You were trying to protect yourself, Robert. Listen to me. Chevely will wreck you. She will wreck you so badly you will never be able to run for government again.

Robert: I have been married for 18 years and I have been a member of parliament for 16 of those years. Do you think that a little bit of debt outweighs the good that I have done! I mean sure, I haven’t been perfectly moral for all of the time, but we’ve always been absolutely fine, Elizabeth and I!

Arthur: Yes, but you had money.

Robert: So?

Arthur: So as they say, money is what makes the world go round. Money is power. Shall I use some more clichés?

Robert: Honestly Arthur you think that all the people who’ve seen me through thick and thin have been motivated to do so because I am rich?

Arthur: You were rich Robert. You are no longer. It isn’t all as ridiculous as your stunned face would have me believe. It didn’t matter what you did because you had money. And because you had money, you were able to buy your way out of every tough situation. Your wife bought the favour of the people by giving to charity. You bought the favour of the people when you became a fashion icon. The favour of the public was on you because you were the trendsetter, and that made you likeable. Now that your assets are in jeopardy- thanks to your friends Mrs Cheveley, your whole career is in jeopardy. This all stems from money. Or lack thereof.

Robert: I never expected something like this. What this country worships is wealth. The god of this century is wealth. To succeed one must have wealth. At all costs one must have wea-

Albert: I must interrupt you there Robert! The almighty dollar does not always equate to power. Good people are also help in high regard. Life is more than just obtaining material goods. They key, I believe, is finding balance between looking nice, having nice things, and being a legitimate, genuinely good person.

Robert: I was, I am a good person!

Albert: Yes well I think you are, but I know you well enough to look past your somewhat stupid actions in the past. I mean look at you Robert, just look. Without wealth you really are, not much. Or that’s what the public will think anyway.

Robert: Really?

Arthur: I’m afraid so.

Silence

Robert: I feel as though I am bound for public disgrace. It seems indefinite. I will be shamed and everyone will know. I have over four hundred thousand followers on twitter you know! That’s something!

Albert: No Robert. The good things you have done are something. Your twitter doesn’t matter. Neither does your wife’s magazine feature, nor your flash car, nor the fact that you have won best looking MP for the last 6 years. What matters is that your private life becomes an honest and transparent one. Do you know what integrity is?

Robert: Of course I do!

Albert: Good. I think, and I probably should have said this a long time ago, but I think that you need to show some integrity. What if you actually cared about the poor? You know? What if you actually wanted a cleaner city? All of those things that you did, or said you were going to do, were only a way to glean votes, and gain the public favour. And now you are upset that I tell you that their favour is shallow.

Robert: Yes, alright Arthur, I think you have made your point quite clear.

Arthur: Yes.

Robert: Yes. What do I do?

Arthur: Well, the English can’t stand a man who is always saying he is in the right, but they are very fond of a man who admits he has been in the wrong. You my friend, have been in the wrong. You have sucked the life out of this country like a parasite, living off another beasts blood. In this case however, I believe in the best of you. I can also see that you are distraught and remorseful. I have no wish to drag your name through mud. I believe that in your case we can make an exeception to the rule. But remember this for the future Robert, Morals will always win.

Robert: I am on the brink of a social embarrassment, as well as poverty, you do realise that Arthur?

Arthur: I think so, yes.

Robert: Good. Can you help me?

Arthur: I think that I will be able to talk to Elizabeth. I can tell her about the modern fluctuation of the stock market.... yes, you know bore her, no; scare her with business things so much so that she will never want to spend again! Yes. As for Chevely, you leave her to me too my dear friend. She is quite hideously obsessed with me. I will be able to find some leverage in that I think. We’ll have this all cleared up in no time!

Robert: The bank was so happy to give me more money. I borrowed it all against the farm I inherited from my father. Now it is the only thing I have left. A farm. That is the result of my life’s work. And even that is being snatched from me. Being blackmailed isn’t pleasant you know.

Arthur: I don’t know sorry, I’ve mostly made sure no one had anything to blackmail me with. I have nothing to hide. So one more time to get this straight. Chevely obtained a letter, from your father, saying that if you were irresponsible with the land, the crown was to seize your property, sell it, and divide the wealth between the previous shareholders of your father business. Is that all?

Robert: Yes. And court costs.

Arthur: Oh yes and court cost. And if that happens you won’t have a house, because you’ve borrowed against your late father’s property?

Robert: Yes.

Arthur: I’ll tell you what Robert it’s awfully complicated, but the challenge is a noble one. Of course, I’ll do my utmost to help you out old friend. I don’t make a point of hating very many people, but an exception could almost be made for that horrible Mrs Chevely. In the meantime Arthur, while I work my magic, you must lie low. I’ll talk to Elizabeth about her spending problem. I’ll word it in a way that doesn’t incriminate you. All things going to plan we should have Chevely silenced and your wife’s habits in check before the end of the day. Now change your shirt. But not something to extravagant. Just dress normally for once. And don’t drive anywhere; your car is too noticeable. No one likes seeing politicians driving fast cars. All right?

Enter Lady Elizabeth Chiltern

Elizabeth: Hello Arthur! My God Robert what have you done to yourself. It’s 11o’clock! Go and get some better clothes on. I actually just bought you a new shirt! Perfect! I gave it to Phipps but he might run off with it already... Phipps! (excitedly clomps of stage in robust heels)

Arthur: This could be more difficult than we first anticipated Robert.

Elizabeth: Look! Red checks! You have to wear this to the forum next week alright darling? Darling? Darling?

Robert: Yes, yes!

Elizabeth: Excuse me, don’t get snippy. Especially not in front of guests! Arthur doesn’t want to see you all grumpy with your wife now does he!

Arthur: Well, I don’t think-

Elizabeth: Now Arthur. You’ll approve of this! I was updating Roberts facebook page, and then my friend Joanne linked me to a new charity page, that helps these people build houses who can’t afford too. It’s local too so you’d be helping your own people and essentially buying votes. The owner of the charity also owns a pharmacy, so we could get cheaper make-up for yours truly! I think we should do it. Wouldn’t you agree Arthur?

Arthur: I don’t think that being generous for one’s own gain is entirely moral... if the only reason you would give to these people is so that you can buy their votes, to use your words, then I don’t think that to be very honourable at all. So no, I don’t think I do agree...

Elizabeth: Well we’re helping them aren’t we?

Arthur: Yes in a way I suppose you are. But I don’t think it is very genuine is it?

Robert: No it is not. Elizabeth, I am in full support of what Arthur is saying.

Elizabeth: Since when have you cared about that sort of thing...? And you (points at Arthur) You’re normally all about this generosity malarkey... What has the world come to? To think what my poor mother (Wandering off stage) And Robert. Change that bloody shirt!

Elizabeth exits.

Arthur: I’ve just had a brain wave. Robert. Could you get for me a list of the guests that were here last night at your members’ ball?

Robert: Absolutely.

Arthur: I’ll also need an appointment with your wife. Do you trust me?

Robert: Absolutely.

Arthur: All right I’ll call you. Don’t go anywhere! Elizabeth!

Arthur rushes off after Elizabeth leaving Robert shuffling through paper looking confused. End of scene.

Explanation:

I have chosen to re-write the beginning of the second act in the play. Robert has just been black-mailed by Mrs Chevely, who has seduced a solicitor into giving her a document from Roberts late Fathers will. This scene is where the characters deal with immense tension as they try to juggle Aesthetics and morals. Arthur is trying to help his friend Robert out of this sticky situation. Robert is the mirror of the character “Sir Robert Chiltern” from the play “An Ideal Husband”. In the play he and his wife hold “morals” in the highest regard. “Sir Robert Chiltern” however, has something in his past which was not moral and it is from this indecency that the tension arises in the play. In my re-write, Robert and his wife Elizabeth have lived their whole lives for pleasure and for their own gain. Now that concept (which was glorified in the play) has been shown for what it really is when it evolves: Consumerism.

Arthur is the equivalent of “Lord Goring” from the play. Arthur has a balance between Aesthetics and Morals. For example, he dresses nicely, but also has never had anything that he has needed to keep a secret; revealed in the line “I’ve mostly made sure no one had anything to blackmail me with.” This is a contrast to Lord Goring, who holds “aesthetics” in the highest regard. In the play it is him who convinces “Lady Chiltern” to compromise on her unwavering moral high ground; in the name of love. In this re-write, Arthur is trying to convince Robert that he must take on board some moral responsibility “What if you actually cared for the poor?” Arthur is in the process in this re-write of convincing Robert that a balance between pleasure and Morals is what conquers all.

The theme of consumerism, and living by aesthetic pleasures is epitomised by Robert and Elizabeth. They are having issues with their marriage because of debt, which is only made worse by Elizabeth’s spending habits in the name of generosity. Robert has been drinking at the beginning of this scene. I saved Elizabeth for the end of the scene so that she could re-emphasise the aesthetics ideas of living for pleasure. Everything she says is done out of a self motivation. She is an over dramatised character, to emphasise the post-colonial theme of aestheticism and the way that it quickly turns into a negative form of consumerism. This is why I set the play in the modern age, so I could use provocative examples from the internet, such as social media, to emphasise this.

The post-colonial theme from “An Ideal Husband” is that “morals” were a huge part of society. Wilde critiques this concept with his play through the character of Lord Goring, who is a dandy, obsessed with aesthetics and pleasure. My re-write further critiques Wilde’s ideas of “aesthetics” being the ideal. In this re-write, I present the idea that the ideal is to have a combination of the two, and that is why Arthur has the quality traits of both ends of the moral-aesthetic scale. I introduced Robert and furthermore Elizabeth, as examples of what modern aesthetics taken to the extreme are. They represent consumerist society, swamped in debt but still spending up large to save face or to look good or to have fun.